To spread or not to spread? That is the question. In my case “not”. Butter that is…… in case you’re wondering. I can’t bear the stuff or spread of any type. I suffer from Butter Phobia! It started many years ago at the age of two. Both my sister and I revolted against Mum’s insistence of spreading butter on soldiers and neither of us have eaten it since. Apart from some unfortunate incidents which I don’t like to recall as it’s the stuff of nightmares (for me anyway).
I can’t bear the taste, the texture or the smell. My children tease me by putting their fingers into the tub and gobbling it down whilst I’m reaching for the sick bowl. I heave every time I make a sandwich for them and have to get the spread out from where it lurks in the fridge. I stand at least a foot away from the counter, my arms outstretched before me, trying not to breathe in! If I so much as get a bit on my bare fingers then I go into lock down mode. Hospital scrub room comes to mind! If we go to a restaurant as a family, inevitably they will choose dough balls served with a pot of garlic butter. I then have to deal with their greasy little fingers as well as trying not to puke as they guzzle down golden globules of it.
When a recipe says butter – I tend to substitute olive oil. You can do a lot with oil! Unless of course it’s a cake and then I bravely soldier on!
I have such a phobia that if I make myself an egg mayonnaise sandwich I will double check that the bread has no butter on it! It’s just that mayo looks so much like the yellow stuff and I like to be on the safe side even if I’m the one whose made the damn sandwich in the first place.
Last time I ate butter was on a drunken night out 30 years ago. Someone made some cheese on toast and used butter on the bread. I was too drunk to notice and at that time of the evening I would have eaten anything.
I can just about manage garlic bread but I like it quite well done – that is burnt to a crisp! If it’s a baguette I will only eat the end bit. Had a shock the other day, bought some garlic bread from Marks & Sparks; wished I’d gone to Tesco for their economy range……………